That was before. What now, friend?

by 7

I remember the day when we first met.

I asked for your name and you asked mine. We told the very basic information one should say and the other should know. We sat one row apart each other. We ate lunch together. We talked random things with one another.

For a moment, for a bit of a second, for a  single notion, somehow, I felt like I’m going to like you. Your way of making us laugh, your way of handling things so witty. I felt you’ll belong in my circle of pals. You made me feel the friendship I want to have.

And yet…

We sat one row apart each other. We ate lunch together. We talked random things with one another. We used to be like this with each other. What now, friend?

Did something happen? Did something ever happen and I have something to do with it? You’re just… You’re just so close and yet so far away. There was this distance between you and me now. It just sparked. It just outgrown from nowhere.

There’s this feeling that you want to talk to me but not with me. An impression that you’re somewhat hiding something from me. A felt hum that drums straight to my consciousness. I don’ want to feel this way and yet I am feeling this way. Why?

One night I tried to recall, to remember events and situations and moments and conversations and actions that’d lead to your distant way to me now. Eventually… I failed. No matter I think about those, I can’t think of anything that has led your new “you” to me. So tell what is it. Because I’m not happy with you playing fake on me. Make me understand. Because I’m not happy with you just going on around.

I still think of you as my friend. Of course.

Can we be the same again like what we used to?

Can we eat lunch together again? Talk random things again? Share things again? Be one of your close friends again?

I miss you friend. I hope you feel the same way too.

But one thing for sure: We still sat one row apart each other.

And I hope that that distance will never stretch out away more than ever like what happened with us.


From the very words of a girl who is seeking and longing for a friendship that was.